When I signed up for school, I had no idea if I’ll either like it or not, or if I’ll be “good enough” ( I will be using this word quite often, I’ll explain why later on) to succeed with my language skills as I’ve always had certain doubts about me being any good when speaking English. To be specific, when I started to talk in front of my classmates, we were a class of 18, (and don’t get me wrong, those classmates were the best ones I could ever ask for).
Funny enough, it was them, who convinced me that I can speak English just great.
I would get so nervous that when I was asked my opinion, I would start talking and in seconds I would get so embarrassed that I'd forget all I had on my mind I wanted to say and express myself.
I would get all red in my face (haha), sweaty and I'd start to talk so quickly that I'd eventually make mistakes, but all I wanted at that moment, was to get over with my speech. Not to mention how shy I am when I'm meeting up with new people. Those who know me wouldn’t say so.
And what made me feel this way?
Well, before I would say - people around me, but I’d like to admit, now, I already know, it wasn’t anyone around me, it was me. Yes, people around us have this incredible skill to judge anything we do, but it’s our responsibility how we react. I know, one might disagree.
Anyway back to the topic, well I did like the school. I loved it. And it all started with the first week. We all have been given a coach for the semester and I also became one. But I wanted to describe my first experience being a “coachee”.
It was Friday, our last day of the first week and I’ve got paired into a Zoom room with this beautiful lady called Jenna. As I was sitting in my old house, on a cloudy autumn day, sipping on my tea, she asked me what I wanted to talk about, well I had no idea as this was my first experience ever, but there was no awkwardness.
I just mentioned that something came up to my mind and that was me being super judgemental towards others lately and that I honestly hate it.
First, I felt embarrassed and ashamed, but Jenna wouldn't let me feel this way. She wouldn’t make me feel embarrassed, instead, she did the opposite, she normalized my concerns about being a horrible person. And that was the ice breaker, she accepted me the way I simply was, at the moment. There was no way back, we felt such a connection from day one and I was so lucky I’ve got paired with such an intuitive human being.
Well, we had a whole 50 minutes narrowing down my “issue” and we went so deep that I couldn’t even believe how strong a coaching session can be.
Imagine, someone is listening to you with full attention and you are the middle of the universe for this person.
That’s how I felt and that’s why I was able to open my whole heart and talk about my negative thoughts so honestly that at the end, we were able to find out that I almost hate myself and that I was pretty much never “good enough”(here is this word again) for myself.
Oh, let me tell you, how sad that was for me to find out! I felt like I betrayed my true self.
Tears were running out of my eyes, I felt, but something huge opened within me. I felt eased and deep relief that day. As I would sense something big is going to come my way.
I had this feeling of happiness as well as I felt released that my judging of others had nothing to do with them, because I knew they’re good people, that’s why I was so confused and couldn’t understand clearly for so long. This was so liberating. I cried and laughed at the same time. Jenna’s intuition and the way she accepted me were breathtaking, I started to trust her right away. And that’s how a good coach should make you feel. At least that’s what I think.
Well, that was it. I was hooked. I finally had the opportunity to feel how this works and feels, most importantly, I had my big Aha moment, a big eye-opener and I knew I will learn so much here. And I did. It was a beautiful journey, I say was but I mean, is. This day my journey just started, and I have a feeling, this will accompany me for the rest of my life.
Here you go, my first experience with a coach. I had a strong one and that’s what makes me want to do my job this way, so I can be such a coach as Jenna was to me that very first day. By the way, we had no training before, she just nailed it. I also give credit to this connection we had (still have as she had got stuck with me till now) together.
So thank you universe, for pairing me with my great coach who made my first experience so memorable!
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