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Updated: Mar 8, 2021

Why do we need to become friends with our FEAR?

Some days, when I wake up, I already feel stressed out and frightened. Back in the days, I would take this feeling with me, this would sit on my shoulder and shadow me all day long. I would normally feel restless and I would blame this feeling on having a bad day.

Today, when I decided to write this article about what fear can do to us, in a positive and negative way possible, I woke up feeling worried about some things in the future and I didn't like it. At all.

So I start to question this fear of mine and tried to find a solution. I will be talking about solutions below.

I already know how to work with my mind (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't) but today I've got lucky :)

I am recently going through this personal course about self-confidence and fear is one of the main topics. Because let me tell you, we all have to face fear, even the most successful people, businessmen and whoever has heart and feelings.

That's why it is so important to understand our fear and be able to consciously overcome it.

The original purpose of fear

When we fear an unknown experience, our primal “fight or flight” response kicks in. It feels as our brain is telling us “this does not look or feel good, better not do it”. This is a natural way of us trying to protect ourselves from the unknown.

It is here to protect us from danger. It is a message our brain is sending to us so we can react before we get into critical situations.

That being said, we need fear in our lives. Human beings need fear in order to sense danger. A great example - if there is a car about to hit you or someone wants to punch you in the face. Fear enables you to react.

Healthy fear can keep us from harm. But too often fear keeps us from doing what we want—or need—to do.

Fear As A Healthy Buddy

If we see fear as a step towards our own development and learning, it can serve as a healthy bud. The problem occurs when we are surprised by avoidance, which can weaken our growth journey.

What have I learnt when facing my fears?

  • It is alright to feel fear

  • Deep breaths are the key to managing fear

  • Know that no one else is as hard on you as you are on yourself

  • Others are carrying their own fears just like you

  • I became a buddy with my fear, I know how it looks like and where it sits

My buddy fear

In one of my counselling sessions, I discovered my fear simply by identifying how does it look like and where does it live. This is my secret but I'm gonna let it out, my fear looks like a little mean Tasmanian devil and it likes to chill and creep on my left shoulder :D

During our final exam at school, I was a client for one of my classmate, I had this huge fear taking over my positive thoughts and I wasn't able to think clearly, my coach gave me a question: What would happen if you became friend with it?

I paused, this made me think and I started to laugh. We narrow it down and you should see my face after this session. I lightened up. What a release that was.

Of course, I know what you're thinking now.. how the hell she wants me to become a friend with my fear? Well, it is just a seed I am planting into your mind, and this won't happen overnight.

It is a process and this question was given to me at the right time, over right things, that's why It was such a powerful experience.


- is important to go through it - ALWAYS

- hidden or suppressed fear unconsciously dominate over our life

- whether we mask our fear with or slink away to seek shelter, it can have a powerful effect on our thinking, decisions and actions

T H E P R E S E N T M O M E N T I S T H E O N L Y R E A L I T Y W E H A V E .



  1. VISUALIZATION TECHNIQUE: relax, look inwards, Where is my fear? How does it look like? (colour, structure..) , take it out, clear it >>> use your imagination, there are only your rules <<<

  2. WRITE DOWN THE OPPOSITES: What could be the best possible outcome? / What would be the best scenario?

  3. WRITE DOWN ACTION PLAN: There is a way out in every situation. 3 things I will do when the worst will occur?

Talk to yourself >>> IT'S ONLY FEAR.

Thank you dear mind, for letting me know it's present, but I already know it's only fear. When your worries will become a reality I will come to it and solve the situation. But I don't want to be losing my precious energy at the moment. I want to use my energy towards my dreams instead of worries.

So, go ahead, make fear a part of your life. Sense it, feel it, but definitely work towards managing it. That will be when we are truly transforming ourselves into better human beings.

Keep this in mind >>> IT'S ONLY FEAR.

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